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Don't Go To Space
The Joke Book
Fart in a Jar Martin
well well well what do we have here looks like a dork definitely a dork with that and definitely a dork with that hair what do you say we give it a wash yeah that should fix it there you go dork huh Wow and the final touches Wow thanks you're welcome dork hey are you boys smoking in here whoosh zoom hey there kiddo playing spaceman again I'm gonna be an astronaut when I grow up well then there are a few things that every spaceman should know first okay we off to space we go past the upper stratosphere and now we're passing the exosphere and away we go as your body is deprived of oxygen what you won't need oxygen for where you're going anyway because breathing on the moon would send millions of Tidy rock fragments shredding through your lungs like any video blades but but what a fight for space - fat chance those are expensive and you're a child with no marketable skills our previous work experience back besides the suit will only prolong your suffering for six to eight hours tops yes kiddo everywhere in space is deadly and not worth pursuing your boy'll alive from solar radiation like on earth clouds of acid rain to melt you alive they go there to be crushed by the gravity of 10,000 Earth's yes Jupiter is covered in danger and so is everything else in any direction not safe not safe not safe studies show that 100% of deaths have been right here on earth that's right space is nothing more than a big black expanse of excruciating pain and unimaginable from mercury all the way to Pluto we're not sure what's beyond that though it might be landscape of frozen rock aliens or even God but whatever it is it probably children that's right kiddo so next time you feel like exploring space so what do you want to be when you grow up now son fireman and that's why scientists have calculated that our solar system formed nearly 5 billion years ago no didn't happen it was six thousand years ago what that's ridiculous the earth alone is over 4.5 billion years old nope don't think so science proves it the data shows that no using carbon dating and sediment layers we know then billions of years after the Sun formed the leftover gases condensed and here's a condensed gas laureate each I wish we could keep God out of our schools my boy my people are in grave danger and are in need of your help are you ready to grow on a magical adventure yes then come follow me there isn't much time jellow camp oh man time to bust up on some nerds I'm afraid you won't find any nerds here my good man oh that's what a nerd would say nerd oh yeah well couldn't you do this all right round two Oh what seems to be your trajectory sir you better watch it nerd last week I stuck the kid in his own cellar hey find that dubious the volumetric difference is between a person and a cello would make that quite improbable come on buddy you promised me you'd have your room clean by now whoops sorry dad hey Dad what do you get when you cross the Snowman with a shark now we can't right now frostbite get very funny but we're not done talking about your room hey Dad what do you get when you cross Rachel with a gorilla son you promised me you would clean you're a dumb gorilla hey now apologize to your sister nah she sucks hey dad what do you get when you cross them stop right there I've got one of my own really let me have it all right listen closely what do you get when you cross your dad with a bad attitude is it pants is it is it pants hey Dad what are you giving you cross bleach with ammonia mustard gas huh well that's not very funny so you going to next party on Saturday yeah I don't know man the last time I fell asleep at dot G's here comes fart in a jar Martin oh come on guys it was one time and it was back at fourth-grade see ah then why do you keep bringing the jar because I have to prove to you guys that it only happened to one time but everyone keeps calling me fart in a jar Martin look the only reason people call you fart in a jar Martin is because you're always carrying around a fart in a jar Martin uh further chart Martin it was one time in the fourth grade we didn't even go to your elementary school Martin we would never have even known except that on the first day of freshman year you told us that story and pulled out a five-year-old fart in a jar if he didn't bring it up tomorrow we never talked about it again Jesus was one time I lied hey son let's have some fun what's it say to do now dad it uh it uh nothing it says nothing come on don't stop now I'm having so much fun maybe maybe I'll see what the next chapter says Oh God what is it no no I can't come on let me see look the Sun we did it son will you beat the rain I love you dad